There was a LOT of change and upheaval, starting with the loss of a friend in January, and an attempt, still ongoing, to cultivate some new aspects of my life, and find ways to cultivate a little support, positivity, and structure, in friends' lives, as they deal with everything life sends their way.
This year, in an effort to continue on with the seeds sown while I didn't have any extra spoons to blog, I'm going to work on something that doesn't come easily for me:
Acceptance
As with many aspects of my life, it's a little complicated - this isn't the acceptance of becoming a doormat, or of allowing injustice to rule my life (any more than the current infrastructure forces upon me)...
This is acceptance of help, in all the places I've probably needed it, sometimes for years. This is yielding to the friends who have always offered support, locally or from afar - and have joked with me about being a 'stubborn old woman' since I was in my early 30's.
It means acceptance that I cannot control every aspect of my life - nor can I, or SHOULD I, try to micromanage the lives of the people I'm supporting. There has to be acceptance in meeting them where THEY are. No judgement, no heavy-handedness... just working out how to be there for them, in ways that support their growth, individuality, and independence.
I want to be present for them, help where I can - but any growth or change has to come from them - which requires acceptance that there's a lot I'm holding space for, that isn't MY job - and I'm still learning how to be okay with that.
If you know me at all, you know all of the above is a pretty big 'ask'. It's making me rethink almost everything.
It also means acceptance of the growing pains and discomfort of making the current life changes, no matter what they bring.
Oof
And now a positive or two...
As one of my friends has reminded me, there's also a need in my life for acceptance of my skills and talents, without the reflex of diminishing my own worth.
I really do owe that to myself - I've put in the time, and deserve to value that progress, or no one else ever will either.
That said, I still need to make space for some acceptance that it's valid to cultivate a sense of play in my creative pursuits - because I have a habit of putting the 'dead' in 'deadline' otherwise.
I have to find acceptance that it's okay to focus on the things that bring me joy, and to always save some energy for those tasks. As it turns out, that joy is infectious, and it's better for me to be inspired to share my excitement, than to lose my spark because the thing I'm doing has become a chore.
In the end, my life will always be changing, and much of it will forever be outside my control, or influence... maybe a little acceptance, properly applied, will help me to make better use of the limited spoons I have available.
I'm grateful to the friends who have waited so darn long for me to notice that this lesson was... *ahem*... trying to get my attention. Thank you all.
This is acceptance of help, in all the places I've probably needed it, sometimes for years. This is yielding to the friends who have always offered support, locally or from afar - and have joked with me about being a 'stubborn old woman' since I was in my early 30's.
It means acceptance that I cannot control every aspect of my life - nor can I, or SHOULD I, try to micromanage the lives of the people I'm supporting. There has to be acceptance in meeting them where THEY are. No judgement, no heavy-handedness... just working out how to be there for them, in ways that support their growth, individuality, and independence.
I want to be present for them, help where I can - but any growth or change has to come from them - which requires acceptance that there's a lot I'm holding space for, that isn't MY job - and I'm still learning how to be okay with that.
If you know me at all, you know all of the above is a pretty big 'ask'. It's making me rethink almost everything.
It also means acceptance of the growing pains and discomfort of making the current life changes, no matter what they bring.
Oof
And now a positive or two...
As one of my friends has reminded me, there's also a need in my life for acceptance of my skills and talents, without the reflex of diminishing my own worth.
I really do owe that to myself - I've put in the time, and deserve to value that progress, or no one else ever will either.
That said, I still need to make space for some acceptance that it's valid to cultivate a sense of play in my creative pursuits - because I have a habit of putting the 'dead' in 'deadline' otherwise.
I have to find acceptance that it's okay to focus on the things that bring me joy, and to always save some energy for those tasks. As it turns out, that joy is infectious, and it's better for me to be inspired to share my excitement, than to lose my spark because the thing I'm doing has become a chore.
In the end, my life will always be changing, and much of it will forever be outside my control, or influence... maybe a little acceptance, properly applied, will help me to make better use of the limited spoons I have available.
I'm grateful to the friends who have waited so darn long for me to notice that this lesson was... *ahem*... trying to get my attention. Thank you all.
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